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I posted this last week on cafemom and forgot to share it here- so here it is:

So i know some of you all have noticed I've been a bit distant over the last month.

I found out I was pregnant on the 7th of july, we hit baby dust gold on our first few weeks trying apparently (or maybe a little before, my ovulation was a little wacky from stress I think) I always get scared when I get pregnant because I've had multiple miscarriages and one still birth, and then many of you know what we went through with tristian's pregnancy, but we got a happy wonderful little boy out of it and I'm determined that my next successful pregnancy will be even better, since now I trust my body and know what to do if things do start to go south. So anyways, we were waiting to tell anyone until I hit 3 months just in case, since I knew I wouldn't want the reminders of people asking or mentioning it before I was ready if we did miscarry, which unfortunatly I did miscarry, I started bleeding on the 17, I knew it as soon as I saw the first smear of blood- I just knew it wasn't just going to be spotting, I'd been cramping all day but I just thought it was from being pregnant and normal body getting use to expanding uterus stuff, but as soon as I saw the blood I knew :( 

So I spent the last couple weeks recovering, pretty mood swingy and lots of crying or almost crying- partially from being sad and made worse from the hormones I think. the computer getting infected actually worked well because having that week off of responsibilities online and email and whatnot gave me time to just recoop and me time and time to focus on my family and son. So I think I'm back to being me. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and like in the past just trust that God knows what's what and this baby just wasn't meant to be ours on earth. We aren't planning to ttc again until after the holidays, just to let both of us get over the loss and approach it as a happy occurrence again :) rather then still being so freshly sad and discouraged from our loss. It's crazy that we only knew about the baby for 10 days, but you still feel the loss so strong, you know?

but when I found out I was pregnant I ordered some books of paperbackswap, one was The Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth (Revised) Author: Sheila Kitzinger. It's got great info and is designed to offer accurate info for parents to make their own decisions from, which of course as we all know the actual accurate info gears you towards natural birth practices, this book is a little dry but seems to be a wonderful resource and the mom who sent it to me had three homebirths using it as a resource :) but the book that has really just lite my fire is Birthing from Within: An Extra-Ordinary Guide to Childbirth Preparation Author: Rob Horowitz, Pam England. This book is GREAT!!! I got it and the same morning immediately sat down to read it and actually took it with me to my chiropractor visit to read while waiting and then took it out when I had lunch with dh and we read through parts of it and discussed it and then again at dinner and you know what he said to me while we were discussing at dinner? He said that he finally feels comfortable with a homebirth and honestly does feel like it is the best thing to do and safer then a more conventional setting.

I was so happy!!!
I know you all know it means so much to have your partners on board with you. And I talked to him about how if we do have to have a hospital birth again because we aren't able to deal with complications through alternative practices (which I really honestly think with what we know now about diet and exercises, yoga and chiropractor and then with the help of our midwife we will have a healthy pregnancy this time. the doctors last time actually made the situation worse with uninformed and never should have been used to begin with practices)  I want a Douala and he was 100% on board with that also. anyways, it was great to have that discussion with him and feel like we are both on the exact same page and both want the same thing with this next pregnancy and birth :)

but ok, that's my where i've been for the last month update :)

thanks for letting me share!