So i know some of you all have noticed I've been a bit distant over the last month.
I found out I was pregnant on the 7th of july, we hit baby dust gold on our first few weeks trying apparently (or maybe a little before, my ovulation was a little wacky from stress I think) I always get scared when I get pregnant because I've had multiple miscarriages and one still birth, and then many of you know what we went through with tristian's pregnancy, but we got a happy wonderful little boy out of it and I'm determined that my next successful pregnancy will be even better, since now I trust my body and know what to do if things do start to go south. So anyways, we were waiting to tell anyone until I hit 3 months just in case, since I knew I wouldn't want the reminders of people asking or mentioning it before I was ready if we did miscarry, which unfortunatly I did miscarry, I started bleeding on the 17, I knew it as soon as I saw the first smear of blood- I just knew it wasn't just going to be spotting, I'd been cramping all day but I just thought it was from being pregnant and normal body getting use to expanding uterus stuff, but as soon as I saw the blood I knew :(
So I spent the last couple weeks recovering, pretty mood swingy and lots of crying or almost crying- partially from being sad and made worse from the hormones I think. the computer getting infected actually worked well because having that week off of responsibilities online and email and whatnot gave me time to just recoop and me time and time to focus on my family and son. So I think I'm back to being me. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and like in the past just trust that God knows what's what and this baby just wasn't meant to be ours on earth. We aren't planning to ttc again until after the holidays, just to let both of us get over the loss and approach it as a happy occurrence again :) rather then still being so freshly sad and discouraged from our loss. It's crazy that we only knew about the baby for 10 days, but you still feel the loss so strong, you know?
but when I found out I was pregnant I ordered some books of paperbackswap, one was The Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth (Revised) Author: